Be My Valentine Kitty
by Lady Dragon
Summary: Complete-Oneshot! It's Valentine's day and Farfarello wants to do something special for his kitten, but he needs some inspiration. Who better to turn to then his fellow members of Schwartz?


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**Warning:** Some blood-letting, yaoi and shounen ai ^_^  
**Disclaimer:** I have yet to pull out an official document that reads: "Ye now owns the rights to Weiß Kreuz and all characters therin" from inside a Cracker Jack box.  
**Author's Note:** My first atempt at this pairing not to mention a Valentine's Day fic as well. So enjoy minna and I do hope Schwartz isn't to OOC. Now I know the Japanese have two seperate holidays Valentine's Day and White's Day; however for the purposes of this fic lets just use the american holiday, its less confusing that way. Also this I guess would take place sometime during the series, before the others know Aya's real name.   


* * *

  
**Be my Valentine, Kitty.**  
by Lady Dragon  
  
Something strange was going on in the Schwartz's apartments. It was the day before Valentine's Day and Schuldich was busily scheduling in as many dates for Valentines, as was humanly possible. He lay sprawled out on the couch, cordless phone tucked between shoulder and ear as he aranged his ninth date for Valentine's. However this was not the strange event occuring at the moment. Nor was it the sight of Nagi Naoe sitting on the floor scribling down ideas for his date with Tot on a small tablet; or Crawford currently sitting in his favorite chair reading the newspaper. These events ere fairly ordinary, yes even Nagi's paranoia over a date with Tot was a common occurence compared to the strange event presently unfolding.   
  
Sitting in a corner of the living room, his back facing the wall so that he could keep an eye on his teamates, Farfarello sat giggling madly. Now normally this wasn't cause for alarm, well not int he Schwartz home anyway. But besides his unearthly giggling Farfarello was currently occupying himself with a pair of scissors, jars of glitter, glue and white construction paper. To his left lay an unused quil, an empty pot of ink, and a white envelope. As he cut the paper happily and begun folding it to fit into the empty envelope a question popped into his mind.   
  
"Schuldich?"   
  
A minute passed in utter silence.   
  
"Schu-Schu!"   
  
Schuldich ignored him, and continued talking on the phone, Nagi and Crawford however hearing the desperation in the Irishman's voice looked up.   
  
"Schuldich, I have a question."  
  
"Later Farf," Schuldich said, placing a hand over the phone, "I'm a little _busy_ here."  
  
"Not later, NOW! The Guilty One promised to help hurt God!"  
  
Farfarello demanded slamming his scissors on the ground and folding his arms across his chest.  
  
"Cant you see I'm on the phone?"  
  
"I wanna hurt God now! You promised to help me hurt God!!"  
  
Farfarello shouted sounding much younger that his actual years.  
  
"Mien Gott, fine, fine I'll help."  
  
Schuldich muttered, and quickly made his goodbyes to the young woman on the phone. It was best at times like these, to just give in to Farfarello's demands, or else the Irishman tended to go off and do something drastic. Like eat a few kids or decide people looked better with their insides, outside. Schuldich had paid dearly for alowing the younger assasin to go into one of his temper tantrums, and run rampant on the streets. Both his head and his wallet had paid. Schuldich most definately did _not_ want a repeat.   
  
It would take Schuldich a few hours of sweet talking to get back in the woman's good graces anyway. The woman having heard Farfarello's cries of 'hurting God' and automatically assuming the worst of him, had accused Schuldich of being an antichrist and anarchist. Putting the phone back in its craddle Schuldich sat up and climbed lazily to his feet. The Irishman however remained seated, single amber eye trained on Schuldich.  
  
"Well?"  
  
Schuldich demanded impatiently.  
  
With a bit of morbid curiosity Crawford folded his paper and laid it to the side, Nagi as well paused in his activities and gave the two gaijins his attention.  
  
"You'll help me hurt God?"  
  
"Ch! Thats what I said I'd do. Now get up, and lets go."  
  
Schuldich tossed his hair, impatiently waiting for the blonde before him to stand. Instead the man tilted his head to the side to studying Schuldich a moment before asking his next question.  
  
"Does sodomy hurt God?"  
  
If the Schwartz had been manga characters Nagi was sure humongus sweatdrops would have appeared on them all. Of all the questions the blonde Irishman could have asked, that had been the _least_ expected.  
  
"N-Nani?!" Nagi gasped out in shock.  
  
Crawford silently cursed his gift for not warning him of this event prior to, and reached over, placing his hands over Nagi's ears in an atempt to protect some of the boy's innocence; while the red haired German began imitating a goldfish in his atempt to form a response.   
  
"Uh why, why do you want to know Farf?"  
  
"Because sodomizing my kitten is fun."  
  
Suprised expressions turned to shocked and disgusted ones.   
  
"Thats it" Crawford sputtered, hands slipping from Nagi's ears, not having helped much, and turned into fists of sheer rage. "Schuldich do _not_ take him near the animal shelter ever again."   
  
"My kitten does not live at the pound" Farfarello started, confused "he lives in a hana-ya."  
  
"A hana-ya ne?"  
  
Schuldich asked, comprehension finally dawning. Farfarello merely nodded.  
  
"Okay then, ja sodomie tut meir Gott. Ja it even makes him cry."  
  
Farfarello looked pleased with this answer, Crawford and Nagi though looked even more taken aback.  
  
"Then keeping him, and loving him hurts God too!" Farfarello said sagely.   
  
Ooh now he was really happy, his white kitten had shown that its fur was really gray, but in time with Farfarello's love the kitten would be black and God would forsake it.  
  
"Schu, help me write a love poem."  
  
"Poetry? Hm, lets see..." Schuldich pursed his lips in thought.  
  
"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you." Nagi interupted having finally understood what Farfarello and Shculdich spoke of.  
  
"Tch! Thats no good chibi."  
  
"Yes, it is." Nagi retorted indignantly.  
  
"Dont tell me, thats what you wrote for bunny-girl."  
  
"Her name is Tot, not bunny-girl!" Nagi retorted vehemently.  
  
"So, you did write that sappy thing for bunny-girl." A knowing smile playing on Schuldich's lips  
  
"And so what if I did?" Nagi demanded angrily, his patience with the anoying German having finally snapped.   
  
Tendrils of telekinetic energy wrapped around the German telepath's ankles, yanking him off his feet, and hauling him high into the air, where the young Japanese boy thought it might hurt to drop him from. In a bored like manner he lifted a single eyebrow at the German daring him to challenge Tot's name or his writting abilites. From his vantage point high in the air, now doing aerial stunts for the amusement of small assasins, Schuldich decided to steer clear of topics that might have him landing on his head.  
  
"You chibi, lack sex appeal and a sense of humor."  
Schuldich huffed, unable to keep silent, while hanging suspended in mid air and upside down.   
  
Crawford chose to ignore the antics of Schuldich and Nagi in favor of watching the Irish Berserker. While the other two had begun their bickering farfarello had pulled out a knife, from where Crawford had no clue, and slit his arm vertically from his wrist to his elbow. Blood oozed out of the cut and slid down the Irishman's arm where he collected it into the once empty ink well. Once the man's arm had stopped bleeding and there was a sufficiant amount of blood in the ink pot, Farfarello picked up the quil, dipped it into the ink well and began writting on the folded piece of construction paper.   
  
Idly Crawfoird wondered which Weiß kitten had caught Berserker's amber eye, but he envied them not. Instead he found himself almost pitying the poor and unfortunate assasin, almost. Adjusting his glasses, Crawford picked his newspaper back up and turned his attention from the shameful antics of his teamates to the more interesting print before his eyes.   
  
  


**=Y=Y=Y=Y=Y=Y=Y= **

  
  
  
Ken received quite a fright when he went to open the shop up Valentine's Day morning. As he lifted the grate his gaze fell on a pair of worn combat boots and a pair of legs encased in tight, worn blue jeans, leather straps hanging down and connecting the two legs. When he lifted the grate completely and stood up his heart plummeted to his stomache in fear. Before him stood the Beserker of Schwartz. The streets lay deserted, the usual rush of school girls was not due for another twenty minutes or so. Yohji was probably still asleep or at least in no mood to come and work in the shop this morning, Omi was out on deliveries and Aya was cleaning up the breakfast dishes. He was a dead man.   
  
As if sensing his thoughts Farfarello smirked down at Ken. If he could yell loud enough Aya would come running and maybe Ken's life would be spared, maybe. Realizing the cowardice of his thoughts Ken gave himself a mental kick. Idiot what are you so scared of? Sure he has a nice knife collection and sure he feels no pain but thats no reason to fear him!  
  
"Schwartz, what do you want."  
  
Ken was grateful that his voice sounded calm, despite his fear.  
  
"Hello little kitty."  
  
Farfarello tilted his head and looked down at Ken, a small smirk playing on his lips before disapearing. A freshly bandaged arm reached out and handed an envelope to Ken.  
  
"Be a good kitty and deliver this to the Abys-kitty."  
  
Ken's eyes widened then narrowed at the mention of the red head's name. "What do you want with Aya?!" Ken demanded.  
  
Instead of answering the Irish loony placed the envelope in Ken's hands and turned, fleeing down the street, passing a startled Bombay returning from deliveries.   
  
Omi hurried to his friend's side once he saw who stood at the store's front, Schwartz. But instead of attacking the peroxide blonde had instead shoved past him in a hurry and disapeared.  
  
"Ken-kun whats going on, are you hurt?"  
  
"No, I'm fine Omi."  
  
Omi nodded pleased with the answer then looked down at the letter in Ken's hand and gasped in shock. Ken held a white letter, made out to 'Ran-kitty', in what looked to be dried bllod. Omi shuddered to think whose blood was used.  
  
"Ken-kun what is _that_?"  
  
"It's for Aya."  
  
"Then why does it say 'Ran' on it?"  
  
"I dont know Omi, I dont know."  
  
Without further ado the two hurried to lower the grate back down and retreated to the kitchen, where the other half of the househould appeared to be. Aya sat at the table, newspaper before him while Yohji yammered on about his date last night waving his coffee cup emphatically, its hot contents coming close on several occasions to slpashing its owner. Both assasins turned at the entrance of Omi and Ken.   
  
"Kenken, Omittchi, I was just telling the popsicle here what a -"  
  
"Aya, you got a letter."  
  
Ken interuped, pointedly ignoring Yohji.  
  
"Hn, throw it away."  
  
Aya dismissed the letter not even looking at it. He really didn't feel like reading another fangirl's atempt at winning his heart.  
  
"Aya-kun, it was delivered by Berserker, of Schwartz."   
  
That got Aya's attention, along with Yohji's. Moving from his spot near the coffee pot, Yohji reached out and snatched the letter from Ken's hands. Glancing at it Yohji's eyebrows shot to his hairline.  
  
"Who the heck is Ran? And why do they always have to refer to us as kittens?"  
  
It was Aya's turn to snatch the letter, this time from Yohji's hands. Glancing over the envelope briefly he ripped it open and pulled out a hand made card. Yohji leaned over his shoulder trying to get a look and received an elbow in the stomach for his efforts.   
  
Stepping away from the three Aya looked at the card. It was hand made, the front containing two stick figures, rather crudely drawn. One had read hair and was holding a katana, the other appeared to be on it's knees in front of the red haired figured and was holding out a bloodied heat to the red head. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who the figures were suposed to be. Silver glitter decorated the edges, and as Aya found out a moment later, the inside as well.   
  
As he opened the card a shower of pink, red and silver glitter rained down on his feet causing statled gasps from the three assasins before him. Inside lay a single, simple poem crafted in blood, that brought a smile to Aya's lips; further shocking the others. Shaking his head at his blonde lover's cuteness Aya slipped the card back inside it's envelope, and raised his eyes to meet the currious and warry gazes of his teamates. Without a word Aya walked passed Yohji and handed the lanky blonde the card. Not bothering to grab a jacket, Aya turned to leave out the back door.  
  
"Aya-kun chotto-" Omi started but was cut off by their leader's curt reply.  
  
"I'll be back, later."  
  
"Gah, Aya!" Ken called in frustration but received no reply, only the slamming of the back door.   
  
Turning towards the eldest of the three assasins for advice, the youngest members of Weiß instead found Yohji already eagerly opening the card, eyes skimming it greedily. Before either could ask what was written though, the wire assasin turned an interesting shade of grey and fainted. Confused, Omi looked to Ken who just shrugged and bent down to retrieve the card from Yohji's limp grasp. Standing back up, Ken opened the card and began reading it outloud.   
  


_Ran-kitty,   
  
Blood is Red  
Your eyes are purple  
and dead people are blue.  
  
I kill other kittens dead  
Your katana makes victim's blood gurgle  
and my Abyssisian, I love you.  
  
Now I've been told  
That sodomy hurts God  
so lets make love!  
  
Love,  
Farfie-kins_

  
  
Caught between fainting and throwing up, Omi decided to start giggling instead. Ken's own laughter ringing in his ears. Twenty minutes later found both Omi and Ken giggling like mad, still, while tending to a shop full of school girls. Youji meanwhile, was lying on the kitchen floor, out cold.   
  
- OWARI -   


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Alrighty then, pretty silly ne? lol I just had to try and write a Farf and Aya fic. Then I started to think about the whole classic 'roses are red violets are blue' thing and wondered how Farfie would write it ^_^ hope it wasn't to cheesy, but I seriously could see Farfarello trying to write poem and it sounding something like this.   
  
Now, no offense was meant to Yohji and Tot fans ^_^ I just had to use somebody for humor! Besides I really do love those two anyway. This was the first fic where I really tried to use the wonderfulness that is the bad bishies of Schwartz, I do hope their not to OOC. *shrugs* I think I might try a Schwartz-centric fic next time. THough I dont think Schuldich would survive it...  
hana-ya ~ flower shop  
ja sodomie tut meir Gott ~ yes, sodomy hurts God.  
chotto - wait  
  
err did I forget anything else?   


Coments, critique, flames, bribes, or chocolate, all is greatly appreciated and only helps me to improve ^___^


End file.
